Lahmacun Filling

After passing through the security check and entering the airport, she took a deep breath. Handing her passport to her husband, she called her childhood friend in Mersin. “Sweetie, our plans have changed. We’re going back to Germany. Hopefully, we’ll see each other next time,” she said. While her husband was changing the tickets, she sat down on a chair in front of the counter. “What on earth did we just go through?” she began to wonder.

Although Hale had been living in Germany for many years, one foot of hers was always in Turkey. She would plan her vacations according to the holidays at the beginning of the year and try to spend Ramadan and Eid al-Adha in Turkey. Just as she spent her summer vacations in the south, she would also book a last-minute ticket and head to her hometown whenever her work schedule lightened up a bit.

As she did every holiday, this time she flew to Adana and then went to her mother’s house in Mersin, her hometown. Her aim was both to relax and enjoy some quality time with her family. After all, one always feel joyful like a child in their parents’ home. Reminiscing with her siblings, setting beautiful tables, and having long conversations over delicious food would do her good.

In the morning, she called her sister and said, “Get that lahmacun filling you promised ready, we’re coming to yours for dinner.” Her sister accepted. Pleased with this, Hale thought to herself, “Lahmacun party. Lovely! With onions and lots of greens.” They would never leave Mersin without enjoying some lahmacun.

However, around noon, her sister called to say her daughter’s holiday dress was too small, and she had to go to Adana to exchange it. “Sis, you prepare the lahmacun filling. We’ll eat at Mom’s,” she said.

Hale didn’t show it, but she was quite upset. “I came all the way from Germany for this, and look at what my sister is doing,” she thought. Still, albeit reluctantly, she started preparing the lahmacun filling. But the lid of the food processor broke, and the filling flew everywhere. Her mother brought the neighbor’s food processor, but just her luck—it didn’t work either. She thought of calling her sister. “At least bring over your food processor so we can use it,” she said. Her sister replied that she didn’t have time, but they could go get it themselves if needed.

Now really annoyed, Hale raised her voice: “You’re so thoughtless. Would it kill you to just drop it off on the way?” Not stopping there, she opened old wounds and threw in a few passive-aggressive remarks.

Meanwhile, since her sister was on speakerphone, her brother-in-law heard everything. This time, he jumped in and said, “What a rude woman you are. You can’t speak to my wife like that.”

Hearing the commotion, Hale’s husband came into the kitchen out of curiosity. When he heard what his brother-in-law had said, he snapped, “We don’t need family like this. We’re going back to Germany.”

And just like that—in the blink of an eye, without anyone fully grasping what happened—the entire holiday plan was canceled.

Sometimes, unpleasant things happen during holidays for reasons we don’t quite understand. Either on the holiday itself or the day before. Sometimes parents argue, sometimes siblings fall out. Yet holidays are meant to be times to savor, not to get caught up in small conflicts.

The root of arguments is often *expectation*. Expectations have a way of drying up everything they touch.

“I want things done my way.”

“I want to be respected.”

“I want to be understood.”

—The more we insist on these, the less we get of them. People around us fail to give us the respect or attention we crave. Instead, we experience stories where things we dislike are thrown in our faces.

In truth, respect and love are not things to be expected—they are earned and deserved. And the way to earn them starts with giving. If we want to be respected, we must first show respect—to our loved ones’ decisions and choices. If we want to be loved, we must first love them—with both their strengths and their flaws.

Sometimes, we must let go of some of our desires. Our loved ones may want to make choices based on their own needs. When we consider them and give them the space to do so, they’ll begin to consider us too. And that’s when those precious times that should feel like a holiday will truly become one.