EVERYONE MIRRORS THEMSELVES

 

Neslihan was grumbling, while she was getting prepared.  “How come you replace a teacher before the school term ends?” she asked angrily. “These are little kids who have had a hard time adjusting to school. Now, they must get used to a new teacher!” But she accepted the situation desperately. “Let’s go and see if the new teacher is better than the old one. But as it is said ‘Always the new one makes the old one better.” With many questions running through her head, she headed for school.

Neslihan’ s daughter Melek was just started the third grade this year. She was the most precious one in the entire family. None of her desires were ignored so far. Her mother used to plan everything according to her needs. Everything was being designed according to her directions.

Her mother had even set up a portable pool in the middle of the living room for her. As it was quite hot in the summer. “As long as she’s happy,” she’d say. Even if her finger gets hurt, she would do everything.

Immediately when Melek entered the classroom, she introduced herself to the new teacher. She had a charming and cheerful demeanor. However, the teacher realized the truth in a short time. Behind her smile, she was to maintain her dominance in the classroom, just as she did at home.

Neslihan used to interfere Melek' s every step at school. She was trying to control the teacher, demanding preferential treatment for her daughter. She was behaving very dominant as much that she established the parent-teacher group on the phone. All information had to be passed through her in that group.

If something upsets her, she was becoming rude in her talking. One time before anyone learned what was going on, she got angry and switched off the group herself. Then, she reopened it. These kinds of instable behaviors and the way of speaking spread into her entire life.

Neslihan even had convinced Melek that she is a special child. Melek was taking her mother as a role model, and this was reflected in her relationships with her friends too. She was expecting the same attention from her friends at school since she was granted everything she wanted within the family.

Melek began to see herself as different and superior to her peers. She becomes disturbing, when her peers don’ t accept to play her favorite game.

Her spoiled attitudes were not tolerated by her friends. She would go to her mother and complain about even the small problems.

One day, Melek came home crying and told her mother that none of her friends wanted to play with her. Her precious daughter was not being preferred by her peers anymore. Her angel was left alone. Neslihan’ s hands and arms were tied in this situation. She felt so bad when she sees her angel crying. She wanted to go to school and get angry at the children. Unfortunately, she couldn't go to school and force the children to play with her.

In her opinion, Neslihan had raised a perfect child,... How come they wouldn't want to play with her daughter? She wiped her daughter's tears helplessly. "Well. My dear... I'll talk to the teacher tomorrow," she said.

Neslihan woke up early next the morning. She could’ t slept much. She left the house, a little angry and anxiously. When she arrived at school, classes hadn't started yet. She stated that she wants to speak to the teacher. Melek' s teacher wasn't surprised to see Neslihan so early at the school. Because she was used to the untimely texts and calls of her.

Neslihan expressed the subject in one breath.

Based on her own experiences, the teacher decided to speak frankly with Neslihan.

“Neslihan, I want to ask you a question. You are a strong woman, aren't you? What motivated you to be so strong? What actions have you taken throughout your life that made you so skilled? How did you become a person who are aware of her responsibilities?” There was a silence in the room… Neslihan fell into a deep silence after these questions. She had never thought such things about herself before.

The teacher broke the silence: "Every person has his/her own choice, and the authority. I've seen too many children in my twenty-three years of professional life. Among them, the strongest ones were the ones, who encouraged by their families to solve their own problems themselves. When a child complains about school, instead of offering a solution immediately, parents should ask to the child, how does he/she intend to solve this problem by himself/herself. By doing this, a child will be raised. 

Whoever is in charge, should be the responsible. We give all the authority to our child and however don’t give the responsibility. What we need indeed is to raise responsible individuals. We need to be ready for supporting them in special cases only. Perhaps just enough to remind them of their self-confidence. I wonder if I'm making myself clear, Ms. Neslihan? If you want to raise a child who is powerless against real life and unable to solve problems and is dependent on others solutions even at the small problems, you can continue like this. But I wouldn't recommend it.

There were still things to be said but the bell had rung. The teacher stood up, turned to Neslihan, and with a final, compassionate look, said, "You are the one who will make the decision. I just would like to give a lead." All Neslihan could manage to say was “I understand.” in a quiet voice.

On the way back, she sat down on a bank at the school garden. She felt her body too heavy to carry it.

Her entire life flashed before her eyes, and she thought of his daughter's. This conversation brought her back to her senses. Has she been exaggerating everything? Was she actually harming his daughter; by thinking she was doing her a favor? She felt a pang of pain. Do you know; when someone whom you're so angry at or hateful dies, then your feelings go with him to his grave. That was exactly what she was feeling right now. Her anger, which seemed to never end, disappeared instantly.

"It turns out that the child you raise holds a mirror up to you. Now I understand everything," she said, and went out of the school gate as a completely different person.